An easy lesson?
We often make life harder than we need. When we are at the mercy of our emotions we often react rather than respond, much to our chagrin.
So here is a suggestion from Eric Barker, author of “Barking Up the Wrong Tree.” The next time we feel fear, anger or frustration we could try these ABCDs.
A is for Adversity. Like traffic or excess air pollution. It’s too bad that we can’t just wish it away.
B is for Belief. We can look for some of our beliefs that may begin with the troublesome words of should, ought, and must. “The traffic congestion shouldn’t be this bad.” “Those fires should have been put out by now.”
C is for Consequences. Banging the steering wheel with our fist can send our blood pressure into the stratosphere. And bemoaning the smoke and wishing for a rainstorm to clear the air won’t change anything.
D is for Dispute. Are we demanding that everything should bend to our wishes? Is that rational? No way. We can want, we can wish, and we can definitely change how we respond, but we cannot expect things to be different if we want to stay happy and sane. Disputing facts is counter-productive.
Life is not perfect. People aren’t perfect. We are not perfect. And that’s okay. But believing that things “should” be the way we want causes a lot of unnecessary suffering.
Maybe we think we deserve that recognition that we didn’t get. That doesn’t change what’s real. Maybe we believe that our politicians should not be so political. But they are. Maybe we believe that we shouldn’t get sick. But we do.
What did Epictetus, the great Stoic philosopher say, back in the first century AD?
And what did the Buddha say?
Rarely can we change the world, its circumstances, or the people around us. But we can always change our thoughts. And changing how we perceive what happens and allowing that maybe there’s a lesson there for us could make us thoughtful at the very least. And…maybe grateful at the best?
It’s always our choice!