Posts by Pat:
Which will you choose?
Before Thomas Jefferson said it, Epictetus (the Greek Stoic philospher) said that every situation has two handles-one that is an effective way to bear it and the other a way that is unsustainable.
- We choose, he said, which handle to grab.
- We choose whether we will try to see the best in people or the worst.
- We choose whether to reach for anger or for understanding.
A man in a big truck cuts you off in traffic. What will you think? That he’s a jerk who should honked and yelled at? Or will you notice the veterans sticker on the back windshield and consider that he’s probably an honorable person who just didn’t see you?
Your friend hasn’t called in a while. Is it because she doesn’t love you, or might she just be respecting your space, thinking that you’d rather not be called?
A woman edges in front of you at the supermarket. Is she purposely a rule-breaker in society? Or maybe, a nice person who didn’t see you, in a hurry to pick her daughter up from school?
Each day (including today) is filled with these situations. They present us with two options, two handles. It’s up to us to decide which one we will try to use.
We can go around thinking that everyone is out to get us or we can try to think about the less obvious (but far more likely) scenario:
- that they are going through their own issues just like we are.
- that they make mistakes just like we do.
- that maybe we’d all get along better and be less upset if we would choose the forgiving handle, the smooth handle!
Life is short! Let’s choose the smooth handle!
Rule Number 6
Rule #6 is one of the fundamental rules of life…Do you know what it is? Have you read The Art of Possibility by Benjamin Zander? If not, you should! Two prime ministers are sitting in a room discussing affairs of state. Suddenly a man burst in, apoplectic with fury, shouting and stamping and banging his […]
The map is not the territory
We often confuse our map with the territory. But there is a difference between the actual world and our perception of the world, just like between the roadmap and what it intends to represent. As Alfred Korzbybski (scientist and philosopher who introduced this concept in a paper in 1931) pointed out, maps always come with […]
The Gap or the Gain?
Setting goals and moving towards them can either cause us happiness or unhappiness, depending on our perspective. (And our perspective is our choice!) The goals we aim toward are always somewhere between us and the horizon. The concept of the horizon is useful to figure out a direction and to plan a destination, but we […]
Was the story wrong?
The real-life retelling inspired by actual events loosely based on the alleged true story previously dramatized… So…what is true? Back in 1964, Kitty Genovese was stabbed in New York in the middle of the night. What I remember from my college psychology class was that the New York Times newspaper story reported that none of […]
Drop by drop…
When a project seems too big, it’s easy for me to get discouraged from even starting it. Buddha’s wisdom is a good reminder to me to start with tiny steps, with what seem to be just drops. Back in my younger days, I used to get all fired up and want to get everything done […]
Remember Burma Shave signs?
To my Old-As-Dirt friends and relatives! (and for those who never saw any of the Burma Shave signs… Those of us whose parents took us on road trips before the interstate system will appreciate this little bit of history. I used to love seeing these Burma Shave sayings. The company was sold in 1963 and […]
Today is tomorrow’s yesterday…
What we do today will either enhance or diminish our future present moments. But most people put things off until tomorrow. We thoughtlessly forgo exercise and education, go into debt, and justify negative relationships. But at some point, it all catches up. Like an airplane off-course, the longer we wait to correct it the longer […]
So what’s my question?
A flower doesn’t stop being beautiful just because somebody walks by without noticing it. The flower just continues to be its glorious self: elegant, graceful, and magnificent. Mother Nature has provided us with these immeasurably valuable teachers that blossom despite their short lifespan, stars that continue to shine even if we fail to notice them, […]
What Jefferson Really Meant
When you talk with folks about happiness, they often quote Thomas Jefferson’s famous line from the Declaration of Independence about eveyone being entitled to “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” We’ve been conditioned to believe that happiness is something for us to pursue. But that’s not what Jefferson really meant by the pursuit of […]