The not-so-ugly duckling

Remember the Hans Christian Andersen’s story of The Ugly Duckling?  As a child, I found the story distressing to me with those bigger birds pecking on the poor homely “duckling” who finally ran away.

The misery and the loneliness, the winter when he froze in the ice…I was unhappy for him until finally in the spring the mistreated bird saw his own reflection in the water as a glorious white swan. And all ends well.

Yes, not a duckling after all, but a cygnet, a baby swan. He was “ugly” only because the adults in the duck yard expected him to look like the other hatchlings. And because he then thought so too.

Reading the story as a adult, I was upset by entirely different things, though. This time it wasn’t the antagonism of the other creatures that struck me. Now what I saw was the far worse harm he had suffered by disliking himself.

When the sparrows took flight at his approach, as sparrows will, he said it was “because I’m so ugly.” When the peasant who rescued him from the ice takes him home, it can’t be because someone likes him. So trying to escape, he upsets the milk and scatters the flour-truly making himself unwelcome because he thinks he is. So it goes throughout the tale, as he judges himself inferior to a hen (he can’t cluck) and a cat (he can’t purr).

What I saw with adult eyes in that little swan was, of course, my self and all of us who fall into the disasterous habit of measuring ourselves by someone else’s yardstick. What is it that makes some of us continually compare our own situation with other people’s “better” lives?

Maybe…

The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” —Steve Furtick‎

Some early put-down by an authority  figure? All of us experience this, yet I do know many people who remain serenely themselves in spite of the disapproval of the “duck yard”.

What if all of us swans or phoenixes or crows or chickadees who are trying to be ducks just choose instead to be content to be the best swan or phoenix or crow or chickadee that we can?

What if we were to listen until we heard our own song? What if each of us moved to our own music, enjoying others’ melodies without trying to imitate them, knowing that we too have a song to sing? Much more than just self–acceptance is at stake here, I think. We are all unique, here to be our own special selves.

What unique gifts within each of us could we accept, cherish, hone, and share with the world?

Can we let go of our “ugly duck” beliefs of the past? Can we just accept who we are and our own special beauty? I am certainly in awe of the fascinating and varied gifts, talents, and interests that folks I know have. And what about all those I don’t yet know?

After all, an orchestra is made up of many different instruments that working together create a beautiful piece of music. And each of the individual instruments can perform a delightful solo on its own.

 

So, what has been your experience with duckling or swan behavior?

Tags: self-acceptance, ugly-duckling, unique