“Yes, but…”

The feeling and the message can be so different when we consciously change that “but” to “and.”

It’s more inviting, inclusive, collaborative, cooperative to respond to someone with a “Yes, and…” rather than a “Yes, but…”

A “Yes, and” in conversation builds upon the thoughts of the person with whom we are speaking while a “Yes, but” is contradictory, and more of a negation of what is being said or shared with us.

“Yes, and” is a connecting phrase. Two words that bring two ideas together. It’s a joiner. A bridge. And can sometimes can really do the trick when we find ourselves sitting in a dichotomy.

Some conversations place me firmly in what feels like a dichotomy of ideas or thoughts or even actions. Could two things that appear to be contradictory to one another both be true? Can I try one of these..?

• Yes, he is late for the meeting, BUT we don’t really need his input.
• or…Yes, he is late, AND that gives me a chance to organize my thoughts ahead of time.
• Yes, I know you think that’s a good idea, BUT it won’t work in our office.
• or…Yes, that’s an idea, AND we could possibly combine it with John’s idea.

I can face that both things can be/are true. There is no ‘one truth’ here. After all:

• We may be precise and orderly about our appearance, and yet be messy-as-all-get-out in our home.
• We may be quiet and reserved in company and dance wildly around our kitchen when no one is watching.
• The world can be going to ‘hell in a handbasket’ and the neighbors can rally together to find a missing cat.

We can honor it all.

And it can all be true!

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