Avoiding ‘toxic positivity’

One thing that makes it possible to be an optimist is if you have a contingency plan for when all hell breaks loose. There are a lot of things I don’t worry about, because I have a plan in place if they do.

By Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture

No one could have anticipated COVID-19 or everything else that has happened in 2020. But some people were more prepared than others. Many businesses weren’t prepared and have had to close. Other business owners had cash reserves just in case!

As a recent story in The Atlantic reported: AT&T rehearses for disaster. Last May, the company ran an internal war game on how a pandemic would affect its ability to keep phone and internet service running. The company does these exercises routinely to try to get ready–to build teams of people and their reflexes, and also to understand what they will need on the ground.

So…

How prepared are we for worst-case scenarios? What if we spent our time actively preparing not only for the worst, but even preparing for alternative possibilities?

If we’re prepared, we won’t have fear. If we’re prepared, we’ll feel more confident and hopeful about the future. We won’t have to spend half our time and energy waiting and wondering. We’ll have a plan and, therefore we’ll have the energy to adapt not only to challenges, but to surprising opportunities.

Insisting on seeing only the bright side and disallowing negative thoughts can harm our mental health. Having occasionally been called a Pollyanna, I am also a realist. (though not a pessimist)

I think that we could easily try the “yes, and” method rather than our usual “yes, but” responses.

“Yes I’m sick of being stuck at home with my family, and I’m also grateful we get along as well as we do.”

“Yes I’m worried about my kids not being in school and making the hoped for academic progress, and I’m glad when decisions are being made to keep them healthy and safe.”

Acknowledging the full range of our emotions, even when they’re contradictory, helps us process them is a healthy way.

P.S. This post comes from me, Pat, an avowed optimist!

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